


Won't Go Quietly

by avislightwing



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Dramatic Irony, Fate & Destiny, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Foreshadowing, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Magnus the Matchmaker, Pining, Sad Ending, and when I say major character death I MEAN IT, comfort/hurt, if that's even a thing, listen... we know how this is going to end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-03-29 16:33:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13930947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avislightwing/pseuds/avislightwing
Summary: Avi was, he thought, a sensible guy:  level-headed; not inclined to be a romantic; practical to a fault. It was why the Director had hired him, along with his mechanical prowess. He was a guy who, under threat of the apocalypse, would stand his ground (at least he hoped he would).Recently, that composure had been sorely tried.





	1. With a Whisper

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the Company of Thieves song [Won't Go Quietly](https://open.spotify.com/track/1u9V8nZX4BEOr4jB9h21aO).
> 
> Many, many thanks to my wonderful betas @missmashmain and @hannahlady on Tumblr!

Avi was, he thought, a sensible guy:  level-headed; not inclined to be a romantic; practical to a fault. It was why the Director had hired him, along with his mechanical prowess. He was a guy who, under threat of the apocalypse, would stand his ground (at least he hoped he would).

Recently, that composure had been sorely tried. Avi had been running into things, staring into space, and tossing and turning at night. He felt consistently hot under the collar, and just a little sick to his stomach.

The cause of all these symptoms was Johann the bard, a particularly intimate moment at a party slash wake that Avi wasn’t sure whether he’d imagined or not, and an increasing feeling of wanting to deliberately break all fifteen of Brad Bradson’s Moon Rules Concerning Amorous Relationships Between Employees. (Brad was one to talk. He’d had to write himself up five times a week when he and Brian first started dating.) He wanted to spend every spare minute in the voidfish’s chambers just so he could be around Johann, watching the dancing lights in the voidfish’s bell reflect in Johann’s eyes (he hadn’t done so). He wanted to invite Johann to go to the Chug ‘n’ Squeeze and tease him when his vase turned out lopsided (he hadn’t done that either). He _very much_ wanted to kiss every one of the pale freckles on Johann’s nose and then kiss his down-turned mouth (he certainly hadn’t done that).

What this all added up to in practical terms was that Avi, a notoriously good mechanic, had been taking five times longer to do his job than normal.

“Oh, fuck _me_ ,” Avi groaned, and resisted the impulse to throw his wrench through the glass transport sphere he was working on. He wasn’t even sure how it had gotten so smashed up, but he had a feeling it had to do with the guilty looks Magnus had been throwing him recently. The gears had practically been ground to dust, like someone had pulled the brake way too soon. He sighed, lifting his welding goggles onto his forehead and running his fingers through his tangled ponytail.

As if summoned by either his romantically frustrated thoughts or his expletive or both, a gloomy voice said, “Hey, Avi.”

Avi yelped and whirled around at the sound of Johann’s voice. “Oh, h-hi, Johann. Whatcha doin’ up here?”

Johann heaved a gusty sigh, turning his eyes to the cloudy sky overhead. “My muse has deserted me,” he said morosely. “Also, I’m out of spell slots.”

“No offense, buddy, but how did that happen?” Avi asked, grinning. “I wouldn’ta thought there’d be much chance to burn slots hangin’ with the voidfish.”

“Well, I haven’t slept in like, three days, so –”

“Johann.” Avi held out a hand to stop him mid-sentence. “Bro. Three days? Okay, listen, I was about to grab lunch from the cafeteria, so you stay here – take a load off, you look dead on your feet – and I’ll get us both something, okay? What’s your poison?”

“I don’t suppose it’s tuna casserole day,” Johann said hopefully, shifting his violin case to the other hand.

“No, curry. Johann…” Avi said suspiciously as Johann made a face.

“Don’t ask how long it’s been since I’ve eaten,” Johann grumbled. “It’s been a while since that, too.”

Avi sighed. “C’mon,” he said, leading the way into the hangar break room. It had everything a good break room needed:  a mini fridge, a lumpy couch, and a large poster featuring Killian, her arms crossed threateningly over her chest, with DON’T DO RELICS in large letters. “Sit,” he instructed Johann, pointing at the couch. “Stay. I’ll be back in a few with food. Not curry,” he added as Johann opened his mouth.

Johann nodded, setting his violin case gently on the floor, then collapsing onto the couch with a nearly Taako-level of dramatics. “Th’nks, Avi,” he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes. “You’re a bro. Also, if you see Magnus, don’t tell him where I am.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Avi clapped Johann lightly on the shoulder, then awkwardly dropped his hand to his side. “Right. Um. Be back soon.”

Avi hurried out the door, closed it behind him, and groaned silently. Why did he always act like such a goobus around Johann? He was just a guy. A guy who was a genius on, like, five different instruments. A guy who thought Avi was cool. A guy with the prettiest light blue eyes and dust-brown hair.

Oh, gods, Avi had it bad.

In keeping with his luck, the cafeteria was packed, and Magnus, Merle, and Taako were all present. Taako appeared to be holding up the line by complaining loudly that the slop they serve didn’t deserve to be called food, much less curry (Avi thought that was a little harsh on the cook, a beleaguered-looking gnome woman); Merle was deep in conversation with the white carnation in the vase in the middle of a table (Avi noticed everyone was giving him a wide berth); and Magnus, judging by the way he was charging over, had just caught sight of Avi.

“Avi!” Magnus yelled, and caught him up in a bone-crushing hug. “How’ve ya been? Fired a lot of dudes out of the ol’ cannon?”

“A fair number,” Avi gasped, massaging his ribs once Magnus had let him go. “Saved the world lately?”

“Nah,” Magnus said. “The Director hasn’t found another Grand Relic yet, so we’ve been hanging out moon-side, training with Killian, all that good stuff. I’m psyched for the Midsummer Festival! Sounds like a baller time. You know what costume you’re gonna wear?”

“Haven’t decided yet. You?”

“I’m gonna dress up as Taako!” Magnus said brightly. “I stole a bunch of clothes from his closet, he doesn’t know yet!”

Avi laughed. “Good luck with that. Hey, do they have anything available today besides curry? Asking for a friend.”

Magnus scratched his sideburns. “Honestly? No clue. You might want to ask Taako about that – he would know.”

Avi heaved a sigh. “I was afraid you’d say that. Thanks, Mags.”

“No problem. Oh! D’you know where Johann is? He said he’d let me feed the voidfish sometime!” Magnus said eagerly.

“Nope,” Avi said, managing to hold back a snort of laughter. “Haven’t seen him.”

“Well, if you do, let him know that I’m lookin’ for him,” Magnus said. “Look! Wait, look, here –” He detached something from his belt and showed Avi. It was a small glass sphere, and inside was a goldfish. “His name is Stephen and he loves me,” Magnus said fondly. “I wanna introduce him to the voidfish! They could be fish friends. And I was wondering if Johann would maybe write a theme song for him! Like, _Stephen’s Song_ or something! Because he deserves a theme song.”

“ _Magnus_ ,” Avi interrupted. “I, uh, gotta grab lunch so I can get back to the hangar. Thanks for introducing me to Stephen, and I’ll tell Johann if I see him, okay?”

“Okay!” Magnus carefully clipped Stephen’s sphere back to his belt. “See you around, Avi!”

“See you.” Avi walked quickly over to the lunch line, breathing a sigh of relief. Magnus was a great guy – Avi really did enjoy his company when Magnus wasn’t absolutely plastered out of his mind – but he just didn’t have the time today. Of course, talking to Taako was _objectively_ worse than talking to Magnus, but sometimes it had to be done.

“Spices! You ever heard of _spices_ , homie?” The grating, dulcet tones of Taako’s voice carried across the cafeteria as Avi approached. “Plants that you fuckin’ – fuckin’ grind up and sprinkle on stuff to make it taste good? Yeah, those! Couldn’t hurt to use some once in a while! Especially in curry. This? This ain’t _curry_ , homie, it’s – it’s chicken and potato in yellow tomato sauce! How hard is it to throw some _garam masala_ or somethin’ in there? I know we live on the _moon_ , but that’s no excuse for sub-par food. For fuck’s sake.”

“Hi, Taako,” Avi said warily. Taako was waving his umbrella around, and seeing that it was Taako’s spellcasting focus, it didn’t seem to be too safe to be on the receiving end of it, even without taking into account the rather sharp point.

Taako whirled on him. “Avi!” he said, and jabbed the umbrella in Avi’s direction. “Tell this heathen about the curry! Back me up here!”

“Erm, I actually wanted to see if there were any options today besides curry,” Avi said awkwardly.

Taako whirled on the gnome cook. “See? Even Avi, a man of terrible taste by all accounts, won’t eat the curry!” he said triumphantly.

“Taako! Taako, no, I’m fine with the curry, but I’m getting lunch for Jo- for someone else as well, and he doesn’t like spicy stuff.”

“Well, then, he shouldn’t have a problem with the curry,” Taako grumbled. “Strongest thing in there’s garlic. Here.” Taako shoved his tray, complete with a bowl of the offending food, in Avi’s direction. “You take this, and there’s turkey sandwiches at the end, I guess. Taako’s gonna make himself some instant ramen. At least that way I _know_ I’m eating fantasy Styrofoam.” He stormed away, umbrella over his shoulder, muttering about coconut milk and the lack thereof.

Avi shrugged and moved through the line, grabbing a turkey sandwich and potato chips for Johann. At what felt like long last, he made his escape from the cafeteria and made his way back to the hangar break room, opening the door with his elbow.

“Hey, Johann, I got you a sandwich, hope that’s – oh.” Avi carefully set the tray down on the table. Johann, in Avi’s absence, had tipped over on the couch, drawn his lanky legs over the arm, and was fast asleep, snoring slightly. His hat had fallen over his face, and the feather was fluttering in time with his breath. It was like someone had cast Silence over the room, and Avi’s heart lurched slightly as he was drawn irresistibly into recalling the Moment. The one he wasn’t sure existed or not.

Johann had told Avi that night, very seriously, that most people breathed in 4/4 time, but he, Johann, breathed in 7/8. _I don’t know why,_ Johann had said. He’d been more than a little drunk at the time – they both had been. They’d just heard the news about Magic Brian, and they and a few other B.O.B. employees decided to get together for a private Rites of Remembrance. As far as Avi remembered, it had involved a lot of alcohol and tears – mostly from Brad, who spent the evening huddled in a large armchair and staring at his hands.

Johann had stumbled up to Avi about two thirds of the way through the night, looking even more melancholy than usual. _Avi_ , he’d said. _Avi, can I tell you a secret?_

 _Sure, bud,_ Avi had said.

Johann had flopped down next to him on the floor, leaned his head against Avi’s shoulder. _There’s something about my breathing,_ he’d said. _It’s wrong._

Avi – concerned even while very drunk – had pulled Johann into some semblance of uprightness and looked him over. _You sick or something? You need a cleric?_

 _No, no,_ Johann had mumbled, and tipped forward again, his forehead resting against Avi’s. _Everyone else – they breathe like this._ He waved a finger through the air, counting out four beats. He did it again, and again. _Regular, all… common time. You know what common time is?_

Avi had nodded, even though he didn’t.

 _S’not the same for me,_ Johann whispered. _It’s in seven. Like this_. And he conducted a different way. It was odd, erratic – not as smooth and repetitive. _Seven,_ Johann whispered. _Seven breaths, seven Relics. Avi?_

_Yeah?_

_Are you sad about Magic Brian?_

_‘Course I am_ , Avi had said, frowning. _He was a good guy. It’s a damn shame a Relic got him._

 _Not like that,_ Johann had said, voice intense. _That he… got forgotten. By everyone except us. If Brad didn’t work here, he would’ve… forgotten him too. His own fiancé. Fucked up, right?_

_What’re you getting at, Johann?_

_Don’t forget me, Avi,_ Johann had whispered, and his long musician’s fingers had clutched at Avi’s collar. They were so close that Avi could smell the alcohol on his breath – wine, mostly – mixed with the mild cologne he usually wore and the faint scent of salt that came from spending so much time in the voidfish’s chambers. _Promise me, Avi? Promise you won’t forget me._

 _I promise. You aren’t planning on dying, though, are ya?_ Avi had asked, trying to focus through the haze of whiskey.

 _Promise me,_ was all Johann had mumbled.

Avi didn’t remember much of the night after that, but when they’d all picked themselves up the next morning to get back to work, Johann had already been gone, and Avi had been left to wonder whether that conversation had really happened, or whether he’d imagined it.

Now, in the present, Avi sat down at the table and started on his substandard curry, absently listening to Johann’s snores and trying to figure out the seven-pattern he’d alluded to. Maybe it took a musician to hear it – Johann’s breathing sounded the same as anyone else’s to him.

It was half an hour before Johann stirred. “Avi?” he mumbled.

“Hey. Didn’t want to wake you – it looked like you needed a nap. And there’s a sandwich here if you want it.”

Johann sat up, pushing his hat up his forehead, then taking it off entirely for a moment to run a hand through a head of very messy curls. “Oh, thanks,” he said. “You probably need to get back to work, right?”

“You could come with,” Avi offered. “We could just… hang out for a while?”

“Well… if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Avi said quickly. Too quickly? No, he shouldn’t overanalyze. They were just hanging out, because they were friends. That’s what friends did. “Plus, I’ll be less likely throw my toolbox off the side of the base if you’re there.”

“Tough project?”

“Yeah, I think Magnus and the rest of the Reclaimers must’ve pulled the brake too early or something on their trip to Rockport.” Avi snapped his fingers as he stood from the table. “Oh, by the way, Mags is looking for you. Said something about his fish? And a theme song?”

Johann groaned, but stood as well and picked up his violin case and sandwich plate. “Gods, I’ve been avoiding him for days. I guess I should write something to get him off my back.”

“It’s a cute little goldfish,” Avi said with a grin. “Its name is Stephen.”

“The Ballad of Stephen,” Johann said morosely. “Figures that genius like mine would be put to work writing a theme song for a goldfish.”

“He’s not a bad guy. Magnus, I mean,” Avi said. “Once you get to know him.”

“You know what he did when we first met?” Johann countered.

“What?”

“Tickled me,” Johann said darkly. “In an _elevator_.”

Avi truly did try, but he couldn’t hold back a snort of laughter. Johann glared at him. “It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny.”

Johann heaved a sigh. “All right, it’s a _little_ funny.”

Avi led the way back into the hangar, over to where he’d abandoned the sphere he’d been working on. “You know who he said he’s going to the Midsummer Festival as? _Taako_. Said he’d stolen a bunch of clothes from his closet. I wouldn’t want to be him when Taako finds out.” Then he paused, and said casually, “You planning on going to the Festival, Johann?”

“I’ll be providing the musical entertainment,” Johann said, “which is apparently all I’m good for around here. Pearls before swine,” he added, with another doleful glance upwards.

“Oh, right, yeah. Well. I’ll be there too,” Avi said. “So. If, y’know, at some point during the Festival, you want to take a break from the, uh, entertainment, and, uh… hang out, we could…”

“Yeah, sure,” Johann said. “In general, I’m not a fan of mingling with the masses and eating fried fantasy Oreos, but I guess I could make an exception.”

“I mean, if you don’t want to –”

“No, I want to,” Johann said, interrupting Avi and then looking a bit surprised that he had. “Who’ll you be dressed as?”

“Hadn’t decided yet,” Avi admitted, relaxing at the change of subject. “You?”

“Probably Fantasy Beethoven,” Johann said. “No, wait, I did that one last year. Fantasy Liszt?”

“No one’s gonna know who you are, bud,” Avi protested. “ _I_ don’t even know who that is.”

Johann turned a very long-suffering expression on him. “Please tell me that was referring to Fantasy Liszt and not Fantasy Beethoven.”

Avi laughed. “Everyone knows about Fantasy Beethoven. You have fun with that, though. I don’t know if I’ll dress up – not really my style.”

Johann settled down on a nearby crate and took a thoughtful bite of his sandwich. “Hey, if you wear a costume, I’ll agree to go as someone other than a famous composer,” he said seriously.

“Wait, really?” Avi said incredulously. “Who would you go as?”

“I’ll figure something out.” Johann shrugged. “But you have to promise you’ll dress up too. I don’t wanna look stupid on my own. Promise me?”

 _Promise me, Avi?_ Johann’s low, melodic voice, mumbling and desperate, drifted across Avi’s memory.

He hadn’t imagined it, then.

Avi swallowed hard. “Yeah, sure, Johann,” he said. “I promise.”


	2. With a Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set almost directly after chapter 1. Fantasy Costco and fluffy carnival dates.
> 
> Enjoy it while you can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhhh this update is TERRIBLY late I'm so sorry, I promise I'm already working on chapter three
> 
> Thanks as always to hannahlady and missmashmain on tumblr for being awesome betas!!!

Avi was minding his own business, wandering the hauntingly towering aisles of the Fantasy Costco, when he got the bejeezus scared out of him by a very large and cheerful fighter.

“Magnus!” Magnus yelled, grabbing Avi’s shoulder.

Avi whirled around, clutching a hand over his heart. “ _Shit_ , Magnus, don’t _do_ , that,” he gasped. “Not in the Fantasy Costco with Garfield skulking around.”

Magnus laughed. He had a fantasy Band-Aid over the bridge of his nose, and had one hand on a cart piled high with laundry detergent, brownie mix, and a box of 150 single servings of beef jerky. “Yeah, fair. He wanted some of my blood last time I was here? Which, gross, and also creepy. Whatcha here for, anyways? You don’t even have a cart. Ya don’t go to Fantasy Costco without a cart.”

“Festival costume,” Avi admitted. “I, uh, promised someone that I’d dress up, but this isn’t exactly my wheelhouse, ya know?”

“I dunno if I can help with the costume itself, but I can probably help you come up with something,” Magnus offered. “Who’d you make this promise to?”

“Well. I kinda… um… not that we’re –”

Magnus smiled. “You sweet on them?”

“What? No, for sure, I mean, Johann and I are just friends –”

“Oh, so it’s Johann?”

Avi groaned. “Magnus, you’re a menace.”

“Yeah,” Magnus agreed. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.”

Avi rubbed the back of his neck and smiled as well. Magnus’s cheer was infectious; you couldn’t help catching it. “Thanks. Really, though, we’re just friends.”

“For now. You’re going to the Festival together, though. That’s a good sign.” Magnus turned to study the racks and shelves of clothes. “So, what, you’re looking for a costume Johann would like?”

“Right. He promised he wouldn’t dress as a famous composer if I’d agree to wear a costume.” Avi glanced at Magnus. “Hey, no offense intended, Mags,” he said, “but why am I taking relationship advice from a single guy with a goldfish buckled into the kid’s seat of a Fantasy Costco cart?”

Avi’d meant it to be teasing, but Magnus didn’t laugh. Instead, he got an odd look on his face. Then, after a second, he fished around the collar of his shirt and pulled out a chain. Hanging from the chain was –

“Magnus,” Avi said quietly. “Is that a wedding ring?”

Magnus nodded, brushing his thumb over the metal. “You told me about Johann. Well, sorta. I can tell you about Julia.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Magnus met Avi’s eyes and smile. “Nah, I want to. If that’s okay with you. She was fucking amazing, and I don’t talk about her enough, you know? She deserves better than that.”

“She’s…” Avi shifted, unsure how to ask without saying _Is she dead?_

Magnus nodded. “Been about… two years now?”

“How long were you married?”

“Three months. Best three months of my life.” Magnus laughed. “Stephen always said we acted like an old married couple, though – we’d known each other for eight years already.”

“Stephen… your fish?” Avi said, confused.

“Her dad. He made our rings – dude was a hell of a metalworker.” Carefully, Magnus tucked the chain back under his shirt. “Actually, now that I think about it, I might not be the best guy to go to for relationship advice. First time I met Julia, I told her she looked like a magnificent, duck-loving jellyfish, whatever the heck that means.” Suddenly, Magnus lit up. “Hey, I have an idea for your costume!”

“Is it a duck? Or a jellyfish? Because, no.”

Magnus laughed. “Nah. Johann said he wouldn’t dress as a famous composer, right? So why don’t _you_ go as one?” He waggled his eyebrows. “Your _favorite_ famous composer.”

“I don’t – Mags, are you suggesting I dress up as _Johann?_ ”

“Why not? Highest form of flattery is, uh, imitation or whatever? Besides, I know for a fact that Johann gets, like, all his work clothes from the Bard section of the Fantasy Costco, look.” Magnus grabbed Avi’s arm and pulled him down the aisle. Sure enough, there were the puffy-sleeved tunic, leggings, and feathered hat Johann always wore, in different clashing shades. Johann, Avi remembered, usually wore the blue, grey, and peach ensemble.

“This… actually might work,” Avis said in amazement.

“I can even steal one of Johann’s violins if you really want to sell the look.” Magnus winked.

“Yeah, somehow I don’t think that’s gonna fly.” Avi picked up one of the hats and tried it on. “Well? What do you think?”

“ **YOU GONNA PAY FOR THAT, HOMIE?** ”

Avi and Magnus both jumped, whirling to see the indiscernible, Cheshire-grinning form of Garfield the Deals Warlock.

“ **MMM! IT’S A GOOD LOOK!** ” Garfield said. “ **YOU THINKING OF MULTICLASSING? DIDN’T THINK YOU HAD IT IN YOU!** ”

“What class are you, anyways?” Magnus asked Avi curiously.

“Level two rogue, technically,” Avi admitted. “Not that I ever use it. Never really been a thing.”

“Huh.” Magnus frowned in thought. “Coulda used a rogue on our last mission. I did a sick train stunt, and it worked great, but it would’ve been nice not to have to bet my life on a high Acrobatics roll. Maybe.”

“You did ask me to come along,” Avi recalled.

“I did? I don’t remember that.”

“Yeah, well, you were super fucked up,” Avi said. “Merle and Taako nearly killed you by buckling you into two seats. Speaking of which, what the heck did you guys do to the brakes on that thing?”

“Well, we launched right into a pegasus flock, so we had to pull the brake way early,” Magnus said defensively.

“You owe me for that – I’ve been working for days to fix the gears,” Avi accused.

“I’m helpin’ you with this costume thing! I think that counts.”

“ **YOU GONNA BUY ANYTHING, HOMIES, OR ARE YOU GONNNA STAND AROUND CHIT-CHATTING AND PUSSY-FOOTING AROUND ALL DAY?** ” Garfield broke in.

“Yeah, just this stuff,” Avi said, collecting the rest of his costume. “Just gold, Garfield, no deals.”

“ **WHAT ABOUT YOU?** ” Garfield said, turning to Magnus. “ **WANNA MAKE A DEAL?** ”

“No promises, but we’ll see,” Magnus said thoughtfully. “I still gotta pick up a few more things. Avi, you good?”

“Yeah, should be,” Avi said, handing Garfield the thirty-six gold for his costume.

“Hey – let me know how it goes?” Magnus asked. “I’m invested now.”

Avi grinned. “Will do. Thanks for the help.”

“Anytime, dude.” Magnus winked at Avi, then set off in the direction of the frozens. “Oh, and when you see Johann, tell him I’m still waiting on Stephen’s Song! Okay? Okay!”

“See ya, Mags,” Avi called, deliberately not responding to that.

He had the costume. Nothing to do now but wait and see.

And not panic.

*****

On the day of the Festival, the base was a lot busier and noisier than usual. Everyone was making sure things were in place for the celebration and the eclipse.

Avi was off work for the day, which was good, because he’d spent the better part of the morning getting ready – definitely not a usual occurrence. He took a long shower, making sure to scrub all traces of engine grease from his face. He kept his hair down, even though he knew the unruly curls would be in a tangle by the end of the day. He put his costume on and tried to convince himself he didn’t look ridiculous, or, alternately, just plain creepy. The Festival was starting. Johann was probably already there, providing the background music. All Avi had to do was walk out the door. Everything else would follow from there.

Avi groaned, collapsing back on his bed, and grabbed his stone of farspeech. “Magnus?”

“Hey! Where are you? Shit’s popping off! We already got banned from the carnival games! It’s awesome!”

“I haven’t left my dorm yet. Is Johann there?”

“Hell yeah, dude. You gotta see him – his costume is _amazing!_ ”

“Really? What is it?”

“Nope. Ya gotta see for you yourself. Oh, shit, I think Taako’s in trouble again, gotta go, have fun!” The glow around the stone went out.

Avi slipped the SOFS cord around his neck. “I can do this,” he told himself under his breath. “It’s just Johann. It’s just the Festival. It’s not a big deal.”

It felt like a super big deal.

However, somehow – Avi wasn’t quite sure how – he managed to open his door, walk out, and make his way to the quad, where the Festival was set up. He’d go to a few booths, play a few games. He wouldn’t search out Johann right away – he didn’t want to seem too eager.

“Hey, Avi!” Carey waved enthusiastically from a nearby cotton candy booth, where she was having the half-elf woman staffing it make her a pink cloud twice the size of her head. “How ya doin’, bud? Love the costume.”

“Thanks – yours too,” Avi said, grinning. Carey was wearing a blue dragon onesie with the hood down. “I’m doing pretty well.”

“Johann’s lookin’ for you,” Carey said, taking the enormous cloud of fluff. “Well, he asked if me an’ Killian had seen you, at least. Speaking of Killian, I gotta go find her, she said she’d win me one of those huge fuckin’ unicorns at the water crossbow game.”

“Wait, Carey, what –” Avi sighed. She was already gone. The difference between level two rogues and level whatever-the-heck Carey was – he’d never dared to ask, but it had to be pretty ridiculously high. He’d once seen her do 5d6 of damage with one sneak attack.

Avi wandered around the Festival for a few more minutes. He played a few games, all of which he lost. He looked at a few booths. Mostly, he pretended that he wasn’t listening closely for the telltale sounds of violin music.

As it turned out, though, Avi saw Johann before he heard him.

He was taking a break between songs, holding his favorite rosewood violin and leaning against a table, chatting with Brad. As Avi watched, he laughed at something Brad said and took a sip from the canteen someone had thoughtfully provided for him.

And he was _glowing_.

Johann was wearing a hat that rivaled Taako’s in sheer size – in fact, Avi couldn’t be sure it wasn’t actually one of Taako’s hats – and it was draped in softly glowing lights of different colors. A Dancing Lights cantrip, maybe?  The long tunic he wore seemed to be glowing in places as well, over a background of deep purple. Curling strips of blue-purple silk were attached at his waist and draped down to a few inches below his knees. Even his face matched:  his eyes were framed in dark blue, making them look even lighter than usual, and his freckles were sparkling in the Midsummer sun.

Johann had decided to dress as the voidfish.

Avi knew he was staring, but he couldn’t stop. Before he could convince himself to look away, Johann glanced over and caught his eye. Avi would say he lit up if that wouldn’t be redundant. Avi swallowed, then made his way over to the music tent so Johann wouldn’t have to leave the shade.

“Hi,” he said. Good start. Good start, his voice was working. “I – your costume. Wow.” _Not_ as good. Dammit, Avi.

“Yeah, I decided to get real creative,” Johann said. “Had to go down to Neverwinter to get the, uh, the silk and stuff – there’s paper maché at Fantasy Costco, but it’s not as nice. I cast the cantrip myself, though.” He hums a quick seven-note melody, and the bobbing lights draped over his hat brighten for a moment. “The voidfish seemed to like it. Maybe it thought I was its kid or something, ha. Who’re you dressed as?”

“Well.” Avi shuffled his feet, staring at them nervously. “It was only you who wasn’t allowed to dress as a composer, so. I decided to instead.”

“You’re a bard, then? Nice.”

“Not just any bard. I wanted to, um, I wanted to dress as my favorite composer.”

“I don’t – oh.” Johann went quiet, and Avi looked up quickly. Was he freaked out? Was he going to fantasy sue him for copyright infringement? “That’s – that’s real sweet.”

A relieved smile broke across Avi’s face. “You like it?”

“I like it,” Johann said softly. “I’m on break now, if you wanna hang out.”

“Yeah, I – I do,” Avi said. “I can’t promise to win you a giant stuffed unicorn, but I can buy you a fried fantasy Oreo or two.”

“Yeah, okay,” Johann agreed. Carefully, he packed his rosewood violin into its case and picked it up. “Brad?” he called over to where the orc was still socializing with a few employees. “That five I was taking is going to be more like ten. Actually, make it… thirty, maybe?” He glanced at Avi, and he smiled in that way he always did:  just a hint of a curve to his lips, an expression most people wouldn’t recognize but Avi knew by heart. “I think I might be a while.”

 

Johann didn’t end up getting fried fantasy Oreos, but Avi did buy a funnel cake for them to share. The powdered sugar made Johann look like he had even more freckles than usual, and it made Avi look like he had some sort of terrible flesh-eating disease. Johann had to pause twice to recast his cantrip, and every time, the little globules of light illuminated his face like – well, magic. With a nat 20 on dexterity, Avi knocked down a tower of bottles and the dumbfounded carnival hack handed over the prize – a necklace of blue agate beads he’d clearly been sure no one would ever win. Avi in turn, with no small amount of blushing, presented it to Johann, who laughed ( _gods_ , Avi could listen to that man laugh forever) and fastened it around his neck. It looked like it was made for him, and Avi sent up a quick prayer of thanks to Istus for the fucking miracle that was this entire day. He caught himself imagining her knitting their threads together, his and Johann’s, and then ended up blurting it out when Johann asked why he was suddenly blushing so badly. Luckily (or fatefully?), Johann didn’t laugh at him, or act awkward. But he did take Avi’s hand.

There they were, at the Midsummer Festival, and Avi was holding Johann’s _hand_.

At one point, they passed by the Reclaimers. Taako ignored them as usual, Merle waved cheekily, and Magnus – who was holding a plate of deep-fried, suspiciously cylindrical objects – gave Avi and overexaggerated wink and thumbs-up. Avi grinned sheepishly back, and Magnus let them pass without once again begging Johann for his fish song. Avi owed him one. Well, if he was honest, Avi owed him a couple now, but he had a feeling Magnus wouldn’t call them in. He just wasn’t that kind of dude.

They’d scarcely avoided another conversation with Brad, who had that let’s-have-a-talk-about-workplace-etiquette look on his face that always meant it was better to steer clear unless you wanted to be filling out paperwork for an hour and a half, when Johann froze, slightly pointed half-elf ears twitching.

“Somethin’ wrong?” Avi asked, stopping as well.

“Seven,” Johann murmured, blue eyes suddenly glazed and nearly colorless. “They’re coming. It’s not long now.”

That was the only warning they had before they were hit with a wave of sound Avi could later only describe as _loud as fuck_. Johann would ramble about dissonance and how he picked out a piano melody and collections of words so intertwined you couldn’t understand them and an operatic baritone – but at the moment it was simply a single sound, so powerful and so painful that Avi’s vision went dark, and he woke up a few minutes later on the ground. Everyone around him was also on the ground – Brad’s glasses had fallen off and he was trying to find them without being able to see them.

Johann, though, was still standing, and he was staring at the sky.

“What _was_ that?” Avi asked, standing up on unsteady legs and dusting himself off.

Johann turned to look at him, and there was that strange, desperate look in his eyes that Avi recognized from the night of Brian’s wake. “I don’t know,” he said. “There were… eyes? The sky went dark, and there were millions of white eyes.” He swayed on his feet, and Avi put a supporting hand on his shoulder.

“What did you mean before?” Avi asked. “You said, uh, something about seven. Seven, they’re coming, not long now, something like that?”

“I did?” Johann said. Avi’s insight check – a seventeen – told him Johann truly didn’t know what he was talking about. “I don’t… think I said that. Did I?”

“Is seven important, Johann?” Avi asked. “This is, like, the second time you’ve mentioned it. You’ve said before you breathe in 7/8 time.”

Johann reached out and clutched his hand into the puffy sleeve over Avi’s shoulder. “Yeah. Seven,” he agreed, and then he collapsed into Avi’s arms.

When he woke up a few minutes later, the cleric Avi had frantically pulled out of the crowd couldn’t find anything wrong with him, and he still didn’t remember what he’d said before the sound hit them – or why.


	3. With a Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost a year, and what started at a carnival has grown and blossomed beyond what either of them had imagined. But the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
> 
> Alternately: we each only have so many heartbeats, so spend them wisely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My only defense is that I honestly had no idea what this chapter would be about when I started writing it. I'm real sorry, guys.
> 
> As always, many thanks to @hannahlady and @missmashmain, my lovely betas!
> 
> (Only one more chapter, y'all.)

“Avi?”

“Mmm?”

The moonbase was quiet. It was late, and everyone had gone to bed. Leon had closed down his artificer’s chambers, locking up the fantasy gachapon securely, for fear of Taako, mostly. Killian, Carey, and Noelle had left the icosagon for the night. Even the windows of the Fantasy Costco, which Avi could see from his room, were dark, Garfield having shut it down for once. (Rumor was that it had something to do with the giant sword he’d seen strapped to Taako’s back, but he couldn’t be sure. Garfield was an enigma at the best of times.) Avi and Johann had agreed to meet for dinner, but as happened so often nowadays, neither had wanted to leave, so they’d gone back to Avi’s apartment together. Currently, Avi was curled up on his moon-issued couch, Johann’s head in his lap. Johann had been jotting down musical notation, but now his hands were idle.

“Our anniversary’s coming up,” Johann said.

Avi let out a surprised laugh. “Hey, yeah, that’s true. Day after tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah.” Johann smiled, that only half-there smile that warmed Avi’s heart without fail. “I almost missed it, I guess because we aren’t doing the big Midsummer Festival like we did last year.”

“I did notice that. You know why?”

“I asked the Director. She didn’t tell me.” Johann frowned, deepening the worry-line between his eyes. Avi pressed a thumb to it gently, like he was trying to soothe the anxieties with a touch. “Has she seemed… off to you, lately?”

Avi thought back, moving his hand from Johann’s forehead to his hair, running his fingers through it idly. “Yeah, I mean, ever since the – the, uh, Reclaimers, Tres Horny Boys, got back from the Woven Gulch and Refuge and everything, she’s seemed real on edge.”

“But they seem okay? Is it just her?”

Avi frowned. “I… I dunno. I mean, they sorta told me what happened, with the time loop and the town resetting. Magnus did, anyways. He…” He wasn’t going to mention what else Magnus told him, even to Johann.

Magnus had come to him that night, still dusty with red clay, a tired look in his eyes. “Avi? You there?”

“Yeah, bud. You need somethin’?”

“Just to talk. Got a minute?”

“Sure.”

Avi’d let Magnus in, poured them both a drink. Magnus didn’t drink his. Just clutched it in both hands, staring into the amber depths.

He was silent so long Avi had started to wonder if he was ever going to talk at all, but then – “You remember how I told you about Julia?”

“’Course. She was your wife. And – and she died,” Avi said carefully.

Magnus closed his eyes, rested his forearms on his knees. “So, um, the Relic we retrieved today was called the Temporal Chalice,” he said quietly. “It’s what caused Refuge to reset every hour. It… showed us stuff. Stuff we could go back in time and change, if we wanted. We just had to take it, and everything would be different.”

Avi felt a shiver run down his spine. “Mags?”

It was like Magnus hadn’t heard, because he just kept talking. “It showed me Julia,” he choked out. “The last time I saw her, before I left Raven’s Roost. I could’ve had her back, Avi, easy as that. All I had to do was say it. She could be alive right now.”

“That’s… real rough. I’m sorry.” Avi set his glass down. He wasn’t quite sure what to say. _What do you say?_

Magnus’s shoulders shook with a sob. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be – shouldn’t be dumping all this stuff on you, but I didn’t know who else to talk to. I mean, I told Taako and Merle, of course, but they didn’t even know about Julia before today. They didn’t – they didn’t know. Besides, they went through their own stuff, I didn’t want to… make ‘em deal with mine too? And I was wondering who to talk to, and the voidfish is great but y’know it’s not a person, and I don’t trust the Director enough, and I know it’d just make Carey real, real sad, so I –”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Avi said, putting an arm over Magnus’s bent back. When Magnus raised his head, face wet with tears, it struck Avi so hard it almost knocked the wind out of him:  Magnus looked _old_.

Not physically old. There was barely a single grey hair in his brown sideburns, and the only lines that really showed on his face were the ones from laughing and being out in the sun. But his eyes – if Avi hadn’t known better, he would’ve said those eyes were a hundred years old.

He guessed that was what grief did to you.

That night, he let Magnus cry into his shoulder, and Magnus had seemed better afterwards. He’d explained how he hadn’t taken the Chalice – hadn’t taken it because he knew Julia wouldn’t have wanted him to. Avi had nodded, pretended like he understood. He hadn’t asked Magnus what he was thinking, which was _how do you let an opportunity like that go? How do you let go of someone you love so much? How are you so_ good, _Magnus?_

Now, he swallowed down the memories of that night and shrugged in response to Johann’s question. “I think… okay’s a relative term,” he said slowly. “I think everything that happened in Refuge kinda fucked with ‘em. I mean, can you imagine dying eleven times? That’s gotta be hard. Plus, the Director’s been pushing ‘em a lot lately. Taako didn’t even have a spell slot to spend the other day when the flour in their apartment was too high for him to reach. I was hangin’ around waiting for Magnus, so I said I could grab it, but you know him, he just climbed onto the counter.”

Johann idly rubbed a finger across the parchment resting against his knees, smearing the barely-dry ink. “Two more Relics, then this is all over. Weird thought.”

“Yeah. What are you going to do afterwards?”

Johann smiled, and it lit up his face in a way that Avi had never really seen. He could only stare. “I’m going to go back down there,” he said, waving a hand in a general way. “Start making music for _people_ again. I love the… the voidfish, but I’m sick of being erased. I’m basically the best musician ever, and I’m going to make sure everyone knows.”

Avi laughed in delight, and it should’ve sounded weird in the empty, silent space, but instead it filled it up, like warm lamplight in a dim room. “That sounds amazing,” he said, and leaned down to kiss Johann’s forehead. “You’re gonna be famous. Why… why weren’t you already?”

“What, you mean before I joined the B.O.B.?” Johann asked. Avi nodded. “Well… I was pretty young when Lucretia recruited me, and, and I didn’t know anything about self-promotion.” Avi muffled another laugh behind his hand. “Don’t laugh, it’s true. Mixtapes are the best way to get the word out, you know. But at that point I was just out of bard school, playing on street corners and hoping people threw a few gold in my violin case.”

“For real?” Avi asked. He couldn’t imagine anyone hearing Johann’s music and not… immediately recognizing the genius it was.

Johann laughed as well at the surprise in Avi’s voice. “I wasn’t always as good as I am now,” he admitted, setting his papers on the coffee table. “I mean, I was good, but I didn’t have experience. Lucretia heard me play and offered me a job on the spot, though, so I knew she had good taste. ‘Course, when I realized she wanted to bring me to the moon to write music for a giant jellyfish, that was a little weird, but I went along with it. You take what you can get when you’re a bard, even one as good as I am.”

“Well, you’re going to be amazing,” Avi told him as Johann shifted up and more securely into his arms. “I’ll come to every concert. And give out a mixtape to everybody I know.”

“What about you?” Johann asked, resting his head against Avi’s chest. “What are your post-moon plans?”

Avi grinned. “Is saying _you_ too mushy?” he joked.

“No, it’s… good.” Johann nodded, and Avi could feel the movement against his heart, and the words in his heart. “It’s good.”

“Really, though,” Avi said, more seriously. “I mean, I’ll get some kind of mechanic job, I guess. Probably won’t be working on glass transport spheres that fire out of a giant cannon, but I’m pretty good with battlewagons and stuff too, so that shouldn’t be too bad. But what I’d really like is – is for us to get an apartment together? Since we won’t be living in the same place out of necessity anymore. And I don’t want… to… shit, I mean, I don’t want to be apart from you?”

Johann was quiet for a second, his ears twitching slightly as he thought. “I’d like that,” he said finally. “But… are you sure? That’s a big commitment, and I don’t think I’ll be the best housemate.”

Avi smiled. “Aw, I’m sure I can deal with whatever it is.”

“I might keep you up all night working on new music,” Johann warned.

“Your music helps me sleep,” Avi countered.

“I’ll want to get a big fish tank. One whole wall of the apartment, at least.”

“Just keep it clean.”

“I might have to travel a lot, once I get famous.”

“I’ll come with you.”                                                                                                                     

Johann fell silent. “Hey, Avi? I thought of something else I want to do when all this is over,” he said.

“What’s that?”

Johann paused, seemed to gather himself, then said, in the softest voice Avi’d ever heard him use, “Marry you?”

Avi blinked. Let the words sink in.

“Johann? Did you just –”

“Uh –”

“– did you _just_ –”

“– _uh_ –”

“– propose to me?” Avi finished.

Johann seemed to think that over. “Depends on what your answer is,” he settled on.

“I – yes,” Avi said. “ _Yes_. Gods, Johann. Yeah, I wanna marry you.”

“Then yeah, I did just propose to you. If, uh, if we’re going to move in together, it’s like – in for a silver, in for a gold, I guess. I don’t want to… be apart from you, either.” He swallowed nervously. “Ever.”

Avi kissed Johann on forehead again, then on the nose, and then full on the mouth. “Once we’re off the moonbase,” he promised. “We’ll get Magnus to build us a – a fuckin’ gazebo or something, he made Carey a ring for Killian, remember? We’ll find a cleric who isn’t going to hit on the floral arrangements. I’ll ask Taako to recommend a catering company, he knows so much about food, he’s bound to know the best ones.”

“I’ll get in touch with all my old friends from bard school,” Johann said, a smile spreading across his face little by little. “They can do the music. I’m not doing the music at my own wedding.”

“We’ll invite everyone from the B.O.B.,” Avi said. “The Director, Brad, Killian, Carey, Leon – heck, we’ll invite Garfield –”

“Don’t invite Garfield!”

“Okay, not Garfield,” Avi agreed with a shudder. “But everybody else. I have a couple drinking buddies from before the moon I could invite. Oh, and my folks, of course. They think I got a job, like, across the ocean, they’ll love that I found a nice guy and want to settle down in Faerun.”

“I’ll invite my brother and his husband,” Johann said. “You can meet them first, though, they live in Neverwinter. Actually, his husband’s a florist, so he can do the flowers, too.”

“Thank gods,” Avi said fervently. “I really didn’t want to rely on Merle for that. And if we wait until we’re off the moon, people won’t have to buy all the gifts at Fantasy Costco. Well – they couldn’t anyways, since it’s shut down…”

“I still have my voidfish costume,” Johann teased. “Honeymoon material, maybe?”

Avi could feel himself blushing. “Uh, yeah, yup, that sounds good,” he said. “Wow. We… wow. This just happened, I guess. Magnus is going to lose his _shit_.” Avi should get Johann a ring. He’d have to make a trip down to Neverwinter soon, see a silversmith. Then he’d propose all over again. And – well, if he did that, maybe Johann would do too. A man can’t have too many proposals.

“He’s definitely going to bring a dog to the ceremony,” Johann said. “And ask if it can be the ringbearer. For sure. Be prepared to say no. Brace yourself now, Avi, you know he’s going to ask.”

“We just have to have it as soon as we’re off the moon, then, before he has time to get a dog.”

“He’ll ask if his fish can be the ringbearer,” Johann responded immediately.

“That makes no sense. Fish don’t even have hands.”

Johann looked at Avi and raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, okay, that wouldn’t stop him,” Avi agreed. “I’ll come up with an argument. I’ll ask him to be my best man, that’ll – that should do it. I mean, I would anyways, but still.”

“Maybe I’ll ask Brad to be mine,” Johann mused. “Can’t exactly ask the voidfish. That’d be worse than Stephen.”

“There’s no rush,” Avi said. “We have to move off the moon first, and that can’t happen until those last two Relics are destroyed. And then maybe we can get that apartment, if you want, and we can get jobs… we have time. You know?”

“Yeah,” Johann agreed, but suddenly there was a strange note to his voice that hadn’t been there before. It wasn’t uncertainty. It was… something else. Something Avi couldn’t identify.

“Johann?”

Johann was silent. Contemplative, Avi thought. “I don’t think…” he said slowly. “I don’t think I have all the time in the world.”

“What d’you mean?” Avi said, worried, now.

“I don’t know. It’s just a feeling,” Johann said. “It’s like… you remember at the Festival?”

“’Course I remember. That was our first date.”

“Yeah, but not that part. The part where the sky went dark,” Johann said. “The part where… I couldn’t remember what I said?”

“Oh.” Avi hesitated. “Yeah. About seven, and… it won’t be long now.” He’d thought of that moment enough that he’d completely memorized what Johann had said.

“Yeah, that. Maybe it’s nothing, but…” Johann shrugged. “Or it’s like how I… live in seven-eight time. Stuff that’s not quite right.”

“Have you had any other – moments like that?”

“Not really, I guess,” Johann said, and his eyes had that glazed look that Avi remembered. “But… it’s like the tempo’s increasing.”

“What tempo?”

“Of my heart,” Johann said immediately. “Of my breathing. It’s… speeding up.” He put a hand flat over his heart and tapped it in a regular rhythm – _short-long, short-long, short-long_. Slowly, he sped it up, until it was erratic. Avi’s pulse pounded in his ears, and he could feel his own heartbeat quicken. Then Johann’s hand stilled, and Avi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Can I hear?” Avi asked after a moment of silence.

“Sure.”

They shifted, Johann sitting up from Avi’s lap and leaning backwards so Avi could rest his ear against his chest. They sat there for a moment, breathing steadily (well – as steadily as Avi could when he was that close to Johann). Eventually, Avi could hear Johann’s heart, a steady, strong pulse. He even put a finger to his own pulse, counted that out.

“Same as mine, pretty much,” Avi said after a long moment of concentration. “Maybe it feels like it’s speeding up, but I don’t think it is.”

“I dunno.” Johann still looked a little troubled. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe it was that one weird thing last year, and now I’m just imagining things. But it feels like time’s… running out.”

“Then we’ll get married sooner,” Avi said. “Shotgun wedding. Make everybody nervous.”

That made Johann crack a grin. “Yeah, sure. We already planned out pretty much all of it in the last couple minutes. Plus, we’re already basically living together.”

“We live in the same building. That doesn’t count.”

“Avi, I literally couldn’t find any clean underwear in my drawer the other day because they’re all here,” Johann said, gesturing around at Avi’s apartment. “I spend more time here than I do at my place.”

“To be fair,” Avi said, “your apartment has no furniture other than a mattress on the floor, a dresser, and _one_ chair.”

“Music stands count as furniture.”

“No, they don’t. And neither do instruments, including pianos. Piano benches get a pass, but only barely. Also, you never have any food in your cabinets.”

“Okay, you win,” Johann grumbled. “The piano’s coming with us off the moon, by the way.”

“I didn’t doubt it for a second,” Avi said. “Though, uh, we probably need to work on that, I don’t think a piano’ll fit in the transport spheres.”

“Yeah, prob’ly not.” Johann’s eyelids fluttered closed. “Avi?”

“Mmm?”

“I love you.”

Avi smiled softly as he listened to Johann’s heart, the pattern of his breath in harmony with it – _short-long, short-long, short-long_. A tempo of seven, all doubled, all Johann’s.

All _his_.

How had Magnus given that up? Having someone else’s heart? Having them so near in heartbeats, and breath, and future plans, and kisses shared when everyone else was asleep?

“I love you too, Johann.”


	4. With a Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do I even have to say it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm real sorry, everyone.
> 
> (I'll be posting the playlist I made for this fic soon, but if there's a song you want to listen to for this chapter, I'd go with Sun Tomorrow by Ira Wolf.)

_When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful, and poetic, and satisfying. Others are… abrupt and unfair, but most are just unremarkable, unintentional, clumsy._

We see celebrations across the world at the Hunger’s defeat. Rich and poor, elves and orcs and dwarves, townsfolk from Refuge and beach villagers from Bottlenose Cove and citizens from Goldcliff are all together, laughing and crying and hugging each other and high fiving because they did it, they won. We see Cassidy hoisting Ren into the air and twirling her in a circle. Two Tom Bodetts shake hands, shouldering their implements of industry. We see doors being thrown open, the breaking down of barriers – literally. 

We also see quieter moments. We see those who didn’t make it through that last, desperate battle for the fate of the universe. We see Hekuba with her children, Mavis and Mookie, looking on as a cleric shakes his head over a huddled human form. (Mavis wasn’t the only one to be left outside the gates of the Goldcliff Trust – just the luckiest.) Elsewhere, we see Killian with her girlfriend Carey, as they try to process the loss of their friend Noelle, Carey grieving for the second time in a single day.

And we see Avi, in a room on the Bureau of Balance moonbase. Magnus is sitting with him. Then we see Avi crumple forward, and Magnus puts his arms around him, holding him as he sobs.

 _Not all exits are made equal_.

*****

“Hey, bud.”

It’d been four months since the Day of Story and Song. Avi had a small apartment on the outskirts of Neverwinter, and a job at a mechanic’s nearby. He’d been helping Lucretia with the relocation efforts as well. Keeping busy.

_“What about you?” Johann asked, resting his head against_ _Avi’s_ _chest. “What are your post-moon plans?”_

_Avi_ _grinned. “Is saying_ you _too mushy?”_

“It’s been a bit,” Avi said. The grate of the metal fire escape was cold through his pants, and the chill night air swirled around his dangling legs, sending goosebumps up them. “A… yeah. A bit.”

He took a swig from his flask and rested his forehead on the railing, closing his eyes. “I’m doin’ okay,” he told the darkness around him, the lights of Neverwinter a faded glow behind the building. “You know. I’m… going. Got that apartment we talked about. It feels kinda small without you, though. We would’ve had a much bigger one. For the fishtank and the piano and everything. Oh, I gave the piano to your brother, by the way.” He swallowed. “He, uh… he cried when I told him. Said he’d suspected, the Song sounded like you. I told him what happened.  _Everything_ that happened, bee-oh-bee onwards. Lucretia said she’d do it, but I wanted to. I gave him most of your sheet music, too. He’ll make sure it gets out there." He paused again, not wanting his voice to crack more than it already was. "He misses you.”

Avi rubbed a hand across his stinging eyes. “I miss you too. I miss you so goddamn much, every single day. I talked to Mags about it. He said it, uh, it never really goes away. He said he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop missing Julia. But he’s stopped thinking about her every minute of every day. I don’t… think I’m there yet. Maybe I will be someday. I don’t know whether I want to be or not.”

Avi took a breath, but it caught in his throat. “I don’t wanna forget you, Johann. Not ever. I don’t wanna forget how you looked when you fell asleep on my couch after writing music all night. I don’t wanna forget what it sounded like when you laughed – I didn't hear it much, but gods, it was so good when I did, 'cause I knew you were happy. I knew I made you happy. I don’t wanna fucking forget how it felt when we were together, not having to do anything, just... just sitting there, you know? ‘Cause that was enough.

“That’s what you were always scared of, right? Being forgotten, or being erased, or whatever. I don’t want you  _ever_  to think I could forget you. Sure, everybody heard the Song, and it was amazing, but they didn’t know you. You have a – a legacy, but I dunno if that’s enough. That song’s not all you were."

Avi laughed a little through his tears, a small, almost pained sound that didn't convey happiness as much as the memory of it. "You were a huge dork who wore those stupid bard clothes from Fantasy Costco and made the best damn coffee I’ve ever tasted because you had so much experience with it, and – shit.  _Shit_. I haven’t had coffee since Midsummer, you know that? I never drank it before, and then you got me hooked, and I – I can’t make it,  _gods_.”

Avi’s shoulders shook, hunched as they were, and one hand clenched around the bar of the fire escape. “How am I gonna do this without you, Johann?” he said, choking on a sob. “I can’t stay awake without you.”

It was like a nightmare that wouldn’t end, Avi thought sometimes. He remembered the moment it started with vivid clarity. (Why was that what he could remember so well? Why was that what stayed unstaticked, that was traced so often in his memory that it was indelible?)

_“_ _Avi_ _._ _Avi_ _.”_

_Magnus’s voice_ _had_ _sounded like it was coming to him from far away._

_“I’m sorry, buddy. I shouldn’t have dropped it on you like that, I – I wanted you to know as soon as possible, I figured no one had told you yet –”_

No. No one had.

No one had thought to let him know that Johann was dead.

_Avi_ _had_ _felt his knees fold, felt firm arms catch him under the arms before he hit the ground. He thought maybe Magnus was asking him what he needed, but he couldn’t possibly answer. He_ _felt numb. He felt dizzy with vertigo, like he did when he first arrived on the moon_ _before he got inoculated_ _, l_ _ike the ground and the sky had switched places. His vision wouldn’t focus, and even the sound he manage_ _d_ _to process sounded strange, like an echo in an empty room._

_H_ _e_ _wondered if_ _that_ _wa_ _s how Johann felt in the moment he died._

_The noise around him died down, and he vaguely realized that Magnus was taking him somewhere private. “I need to see him,”_ _Avi_ _heard himself say. “Magnus, I_ _gotta_ _see him, please –”_

_“I – I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Magnus said quietly. “Not yet, okay?”_

_Avi_ _was_ _set down on a bed, and Magnus closed the door with a click._ _Avi_ _felt the bed bow as Magnus’s heavy weight settled onto it beside him. “I’m sorry,” Magnus said, and took_ _Avi’s_ _hands. He seemed to be trying to rub feeling back into them. “I’m_ _real_ _sorry. I – I was there, and I didn’t… I couldn’t…”_

_“He can’t be dead, Mags,”_ _Avi_ _said, finally managing to look Magnus in the eyes. “He just… can’t. That’s not… he can’t…”_

_Slowly, feeling seeped back into his limbs, and his vision steadied enough to focus. “He can’t be dead,” he repeated. “We’re – we were_ _gonna_ _–” He swallowed. He hadn’t had time to tell Magnus before he got sent off with_ _Taako_ _and Merle to retrieve the sixth Relic. “We were_ _gonna_ _get married, Mags. He_ _can’t_ _be dead.”_

_“Oh. Oh,_ _Avi_ _…”_

_Tears_ _had_ _lingered behind his eyes, in his nose, built-up heat that felt like a bad cold coming on. “I don’t know how to make coffee,” he_ _’d_ _whispered. “He… would always make the coffee in the mornings, come by my room and get_ _it_ _going. How am I going to wake up now?”_

Some days, Avi thought he never had. It felt like sleepwalking, those days, like any minute Johann was going to shake him awake, and Avi’d tell him about the nightmare he’d had. They would take it easy that morning, Avi asking someone to cover the hangar for him and Johann staying in his faded  _Neverwinter University_  t-shirt and grey-blue plaid pajama pants, using the time to work on a half-finished composition.

He knew better. He should know better.

“Life’s a long time to be without you, bud,” he said, and the breeze carried his words away. “It’s so long. I thought we’d be married by now. I got you a ring, you know. Next morning, right after we talked. I was going to… well, give you an actual proposal the next night. Our anniversary. Obviously, that didn’t really work out. It was a real nice ring, too. You would’ve liked it.” Avi rubbed absently at his left ring finger, a habit he’d picked up in the last few months. “I wish we could’ve gotten married, just so I could wear a wedding ring, like Magnus does. Just to have that, you know?

“I don’t know if you can hear any of this from the Astral Plane. Probably not. I’m probably talking to myself right now. But – listen. I’m not going to forget you, okay? Not if I live to be a hundred. There might be things about you I’ll forget, I dunno. But I won’t forget  _you_. I promise.”

Avi set his flask down and pulled something out from his pocket. He studied it, then turned the tiny key and put it on the fire escape beside him.

Softly, gradually, the gentle tinkling notes of the Voidfish Duet filled the air.

 _Seven-eight time,_  Avi thought.

How could he continue keeping time when he’d lost the heart that set the tempo?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also found on Tumblr [@birdiethebibliophile](birdiethebibliophile.tumblr.com)!


End file.
